Saturday, June 24, 2006

My Violin

This is my violin. I use it to play things like 'The Peacock Followed the Hen' and the first bit of 'Passagalia' by Biber. I play them over and over again so as to get them louder. I'd never hang it out of the window to entice young women because it doesn't really belong to me.

I once had a woman in my room who was mightily impressed by my violin, but not so impressed with my violin playing.

When I play my violin cats come visiting from around the neighbourhood. I live on the first floor, which means they can't climb in through my window and try to mate with it. They look so sad sat on the pavement. Sometimes they sing back to me and we make a duet.

Violins are great.

When I've finished with the strings I hang them on my wall to make it look arty. If I loosen the hairs on my bow I can detach the 'frog' and pretend I'm fishing with it. Sometimes I sit watching the television and polish it. This is what I love doing. I polish it until it shines, then I look at it for a bit. Then I go fishing with my bow.

It has a fake label inside it that says it was made by Pagani in 1721. It wasn't, unless Pagani lived in England. I think it's really a Stradavarious, and someone stuck a fake label on it so as to put thieves off the scent. Recently I had the sound post moved, the bridge shaved and the top nut fixed so as to make it easier to play. It worked, but I don't yet sound like Stephane Grappelli.

This is Stephane Grappelli. He also plays the violin. He plays things like 'Avalon' and 'Blues for Musidisc'.

He's great.

One day, if I practice hard and eat the crusts on my bread, I will be able to play like Stephane Grappelli. Sugarcane Harris is also good, I would also like to play like him. At the moment I'm about as good as the bloke who sometimes stands outside Marks and Spencers in Ealing. He's OK, but he's no Stephane Grappelli.

The best thing about my violin is that it's old and beaten up. It looks really cool. The worst thing about my violin is that if I ever broke it, I would be sad.

I wander if readers can give me any tips on how I can sound like Stephane Grappelli. Please comment.


Anonymous Catgut Horsehair said...

Try putting your Grappelli cds on variable speed

8:24 AM  
Anonymous Fred Biber von Klutz said...

Put soap on your bow and play along to the cd

3:11 PM  
Blogger Montmarcey Brown said...

Catgut horsehair.... are you trying to imply that my playing is not rythmically consistent?

11:42 AM  
Anonymous Catgut Horsehair said...

No - you will find the speed affects the pitch. I am inferring that your self-criticism arises from intonation inconsistencies.

1:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep going, son - you can't be worse than Menuhin.

1:50 PM  
Blogger Montmarcey Brown said...

Catgut horsehair.... stop being a plonker and posting two messages at once under different names.

Are you now implying that my playing is out of tune? And how, pray, have I criticised my playing?

4:33 PM  
Anonymous One who has actually heard you. said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:21 PM  
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