Campaign against violence.

The New Hecklescakes Domination Committee (NHDC) has voted unanimousely to start a campaign against people who could have violent tendancies. Signs of potential violent tendencies are as follows:

• Adherance to a religion that isn't christian.
• Looking at people in a manner that suggests there may be violence to follow.
• Growing a beard.
• Being between the ages of 11 and 25.

Anybody who exhibits one or more of the above symptoms will be extensively soothed before they have a chance to start any violence. Extensive soothing will take place at our new Community Support Centre in Belmarsh.

In order to aid us in this campaign we are asking readers to sew their buttocks together. Buttock sewing kits can be purchased at our local stores.

NHDC 'Bringing your buttocks together for our community.'