Uses for cheap flags.

When England get kicked out of the world cup, there will be lots of cheap St Georges Flags floating about the place. In order that they are not wasted in an 'EU flag mountain' I would like to suggest the following uses.

• Affordable toilet roll for public toilets. (No need to cut them into squares, just hang them from the door and people will be able to continue their phone conversations as they wipe.)
• Coffin decoration for patriotic rats and pigeons.
• Get a red marker and colour in the white bits. Hey presto! A red flag to tie to a tree and forget about on a demonstration.
• Cut into strips and adorn crime areas. Your friendly local copper can show their patriotism as they go round shooting your darker-skinned neighbours.
• Melt them down and make patriotic picnic tables.
• Burn them in waste incinerators, this way some of the patriotism may find its way into the lungs of local kids, who will grow up with a sense of pride every time they cough their guts up.
• Cut out the red cross bit and use them as 'Failed' markers to stick on the luggage of asylum seekers. Give them the white bits to use as bandages.
• Simply continue to hang them from your window until the next world cup. This way people will be able to identify you as a complete fuckwit before starting a conversation, avoiding needless embarassment.

I wander if readers can think of any other uses for old St Georges flags. Please comment.