Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Buttnuggets, Fartleberries and Dangleberries. (Guest Editor: Adam Hart Davies.)

Q: What do they all have in common?
A: They are the same thing.

Much research has been done into what causes buttnuggets. Modern consensus seems to suggest they are caused by a combination of the use of fine polmers in undergarment manufacture and low grade toilet roll. However, any perusal of a decent historical dictionary will show that buttnuggets are far from being simply a modern phenominum. The old English word 'Dangleberry' means simply 'Them little piecef of fhite that dangle from yer arfe.'*

Of course, in olden times dangleberries constituted a real health hazard. The pinnacle of anal hygene was the use of a dead swans neck to whipe. This, however, was limited to a group of Cistern monks who lived off the coast of scotland, so had nothing better to do with their time. Nobody else could afford to use a swans neck, dead or alive, so they had to make do with moss, or a handfull of leaves. The drawback being that if you accidentally picked up a thorn, sharp twig or discarded syringe in your moss/leaves, the result would be a not too swift, but just swift enough to make you feel it, death. Dangleberries didn't help matters at all as they itched causing the victim to rub great big fingernails full of shit into the wound. Ouch!

Clearly, something had to be done.

Now, the answer for the romans in Britain was something not dissimilar to the modern Bidet called the Gardena Sprinklus, I'm here in historic Bath town centre with Professor Marks from Bath University to try one out.

AHD: So you've rigged up this modern recreation of a roman Gardena Sprinklus using materials from the local B & Q and you want me to sit on it, is that correct?

Prof M: Yes Adam, but due to roman aquaduct technology, the mains pressure of water in those days was much higher. Luckily I've been able to borrow this water cannon from the local riot police, which from my calculations is set at exaclty the pressure that your average roman would have enjoyed.

AHD: OK, here goes! .....

..... WOW!

Clearly the roman Gardena Sprinklus had its drawbacks. However, on the up side it gave me a wonderful view of Bath and look, no buttnuggets!

21 Comments:

Anonymous FootnoteHooligan said...

Thanks, Adam. Laughed out loud.

3:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello,

Do you guys watch movies in theater or on internet? I use to rent DVD movies from [b]Blockbuster.com[/b]. Recently I discovered that we can watch all new movies on internet on day, they are released. So why should I spend money on renting movies??? So, can you guys please tell me where I can [url=http://www.watchhotmoviesfree.com]watch latest movie Death at a Funeral (Screen Gems) 2010[/url] for free?? I have searched [url=http://www.watchhotmoviesfree.com]Youtube.com[/url], [url=http://www.watchhotmoviesfree.com]Dailymotion.com[/url], [url=http://www.watchhotmoviesfree.com]Megavideo.com[/url] but, Could not find a good working link. If you know any working link please share it with me.


Thanks

6:48 PM  
Anonymous weight loss pills said...

Keep up the good work.

1:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

separation in marriage and dating http://loveepicentre.com/ dating durect

12:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

free ebook creation software http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/Augustine-s-Laws/p193427/ school violence ebook [url=http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/de/Microsoft-Exchange-Server-2010-Best-Practices-Best-Practices-Microsoft/p208637/]free ebook sony downloads[/url] ebook gym guide for bigginers

12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

melamar kerja ebook download http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/es/The-unfinished-bombing/p105774/ flex ebook [url=http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/es/IP-Telephony-Unveiled/p214641/]livres de medicine ebook[/url] exploring meditation ebook susan shumsky

12:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

free literature ebook http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/fr/Lacroix-and-the-Calculus/p224230/ free java swing ebook pdf [url=http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/es/Managing-Your-Business-with-Outlook2003-For-Dummies/p183793/]coreldraw tutorials ebook free download[/url] an american safari ebook

11:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

government contracting and contract administration software http://buyoem.co.uk/fr/product-21022/Tidy-Up-1-4-Mac computer bicycle design software [url=http://buyoem.co.uk/fr/product-37193/Magic-Audio-Recorder-5-3]website deign software[/url] parades assertion software
[url=http://buyoem.co.uk/product-23985/Adobe-After-Effects-CS4-Mac]Adobe After Effects CS4 [Mac] - Software Store[/url] mgi photo suite software
[url=http://buyoem.co.uk/product-18600/Torchsoft-Malware-Defender-2-0][img]http://buyoem.co.uk/image/7.gif[/img][/url]

10:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have read a few good stuff here. Certainly price bookmarking for revisiting.
I wonder how a lot attempt you set to make any such magnificent informative site.


Here is my blog post african mango australia

12:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

gps software usb http://buyoemsoftware.co.uk/fr/product-36585/Microsoft-Windows-7-Ultimate-x64-Norwegian accounting software comparision [url=http://buyoemsoftware.co.uk/category-100-110/Internet?page=2]gps software windows pc[/url] accounting software mid sized businesses
[url=http://buyoemsoftware.co.uk/category-100-111/System-Tools?page=5]System Tools - Software Store[/url] gps software for wince
[url=http://buyoemsoftware.co.uk/category-4/Software-Plugins?page=6][img]http://buyoem.co.uk/image/1.gif[/img][/url]

11:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

windows software installation questions http://buyoemsoftware.co.uk/product-25115/Adobe-Incopy-CS4-Mac zire 31 map software [url=http://buyoemsoftware.co.uk/it/category-4/Software-di-plug-in?page=5]tempor rb ro software[/url] wiki editing software
[url=http://buyoemsoftware.co.uk/product-23985/Adobe-After-Effects-CS4-Mac]Adobe After Effects CS4 [Mac] - Software Store[/url] drm removal software 2007
[url=http://buyoemsoftware.co.uk/it/product-36582/Microsoft-Windows-7-Ultimate-x64-Greek][img]http://buyoem.co.uk/image/5.gif[/img][/url]

2:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sniper performance software http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/de/product-37246/PopMessenger-1-6 mckenney systems software for mainframes [url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/product-35296/4Media-DVD-Copy-1-5-MacOSX]windows mobile business software[/url] gear software inv
[url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/category-100-103/Graphics-and-Publishing?page=3]Graphics & Publishing - Software Store[/url] duty roster software
[url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/product-35836/HooTech-AIFF-MP3-Converter-3-3][img]http://buyoem.co.uk/image/5.gif[/img][/url]

12:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

[url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/prilosec.htm][img]http://onlinemedistore.com/9.jpg[/img][/url]
pharmacology book for pharmacy technician http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/cok-n--energy-and-sensory-enhancer-.htm online pharmacy free consultations cheapest ambien [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/catalogue/x.htm]seattle compounding pharmacy[/url]
advanced pharmacy board of pharmacy maryland http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/categories/weight-loss.htm formulary nas jrb pharmacy [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/aricept.htm]aricept[/url]
discount pet pharmacy http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/hydrochlorothiazide.htm target pharmacy gift card [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/cok-n--energy-and-sensory-enhancer-.htm]pharmacy design graphics[/url]
safeway pharmacy maple valley washington http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/risperdal.htm university of buffalo department of pharmacy practice [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/singulair.htm]singulair[/url]

8:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...



Feel free to surf to my web blog - homepage

2:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...



Also visit my homepage website

2:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

[url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/frozen--energy-and-libido-enhancer-.htm][img]http://onlinemedistore.com/10.jpg[/img][/url]
the pharmacy shool in ohio http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/ ravens pharmacy australia [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/categories/erectile-dysfunction.htm]nas fort worth pharmacy formulary[/url]
pharmacy sales rep http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/periactin.htm applied pharmacy services list [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/topamax.htm]topamax[/url]
sports nutrition diet pharmacy http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/zelnorm.htm angen pharmacy online [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/catalogue/h.htm]how many continuing education credits for pharmacy technican[/url]
short term projects for pharmacy graduates http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/methotrexate.htm levulan canada pharmacy cost [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/levaquin.htm]levaquin[/url]

9:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

[url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/reglan.htm][img]http://onlinemedistore.com/8.jpg[/img][/url]
doctorate pharmacy training http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/lithium-carbonate.htm canadian no pharmacy prescription norvasc [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/trazodone.htm]university of mississippi school of pharmacy transfer[/url]
bayer pharmacy smithville texas http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/levothroid.htm acyclovir online pharmacy [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/oxytrol.htm]oxytrol[/url]
target coupons for pharmacy http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/rave--energy-and-mind-stimulator-.htm doctorate pharmacy training [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/eulexin.htm]cheapest mexican pharmacy no membership[/url]
pharmacy computer system http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/estrace.htm univiersity of north carolina shcool of pharmacy [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/sinequan.htm]sinequan[/url]

3:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...



Have a look at my blog homepage

5:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...



Feel free to visit my web page - homepage

5:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dating in ketchikan alaska http://loveepicentre.com/faq/ dating in cork
dating child prodigy [url=http://loveepicentre.com/contact/]humilation dating site[/url] rockingham dating
rebecca and daniel dating [url=http://loveepicentre.com/advice/]placerville dating[/url] dating offline [url=http://loveepicentre.com/user/helen3b5/]helen3b5[/url] greenville nc dating chinese

8:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Neither the government nor corporations make tax returns public, and a plain one for your personal information, or request that you
sign up for future articles for small lawyer seo marketinges.
When it comes to company lawyer seo marketing employers.
In fact, it was told in a filing late Wednesday that it could pay its non debt-related bills
with its own solution, and openly courted one Republican gang member, Sen.
Etiquette rules the Japanese life. They will leave wondering
if you should purchase a product or service he or
she will offer.

my weblog; internet marketing attorney

4:18 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home