Sunday, April 30, 2006

Amusing things to say to bouncers.

I was in The Red Back Tavern in Acton last night and occasioned upon a bouncer guarding some steps from potential drug dealers. Every time someone stood on the steps he'd chase them off, like an ogre guarding his bridge. After my second Newcastle Brown I found myself on the steps. Instead of politely requesting me to move he shouted 'Get the fuck off the steps!'

Well! How rude?

I decided he didn't look much like a bouncer, so I said 'Who the fuck are you?' to which he replied 'I'm a bouncer, get off the fucking steps!'. Now, I'm a quick witted fellow with a tongue sharp enough to open cans, but I surprised myself with a quite uncustomary eloquence when I informed him 'You look more like a fat bastard to me.'

Upon being forcibly removed from the establishment it occured to me that readers may well have other stories of amusing things they have said to bouncers. Please comment.

17 Comments:

Blogger valueaddedman said...

I hope you don't mind me saying, that is indeed amusing (although it is all relative).
I haven't been fortunate enough to be in a similar position though...!
congrats on starting a blog
A

11:34 AM  
Blogger old major said...

well, i think i was chatted up by a (female) bouncer at the kingston o'neils once.
dunno if that counts.

2:06 PM  
Blogger ragged trousered pessimist said...

hope you weren't barred - it's the only place even vaguely resembling a club for miles

8:21 AM  
Blogger old major said...

In kingston? well there's Oceania, Bacchus and the works and... well that's it.
If you mean the Red Back in Acton, yep it is and no MB wasn't barred cos I have been there with him. After all it can't be worst than spitting all over a bouncer, could it?

9:45 AM  
Anonymous marie said...

well...2 weeks after I came in London...i decided to party wit some firends...
as usual we get drunk!...I woke up in the toilets, swimmin in my vomit (spagetti bolonese n strawberry milshake...) to discover that I' ve spent 1 hours in that damn toilets n one of my friend just kick da ass of one bouncer ( break his nose), get ride of 2 others one n finally get arrested by the 4 pigs ( that the only way the finally control him!) n they where all lookin 4 me because the decided to ban us from there...

6:44 AM  
Blogger Montmarcey Brown said...

Cool!

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