Amusing things to say to bouncers.

I was in The Red Back Tavern in Acton last night and occasioned upon a bouncer guarding some steps from potential drug dealers. Every time someone stood on the steps he'd chase them off, like an ogre guarding his bridge. After my second Newcastle Brown I found myself on the steps. Instead of politely requesting me to move he shouted 'Get the fuck off the steps!'

Well! How rude?

I decided he didn't look much like a bouncer, so I said 'Who the fuck are you?' to which he replied 'I'm a bouncer, get off the fucking steps!'. Now, I'm a quick witted fellow with a tongue sharp enough to open cans, but I surprised myself with a quite uncustomary eloquence when I informed him 'You look more like a fat bastard to me.'

Upon being forcibly removed from the establishment it occured to me that readers may well have other stories of amusing things they have said to bouncers. Please comment.