Friday, September 29, 2006

I've been asked to Jam.

For the first time in a long time, some mates have asked me to come and play guitar with them. Hopefully we'll manage to get pissed while we do it. Hopefully we'll have a good Jam.

How to have a good Jam.

Get drunk, then pretend that you are amazing at your chosen instrument. If it doesn't sound good, lament the fact that you don't have a drummer. If you have a drummer, lament the fact that you don't have a good drummer. If you have a good drummer, lament the fact that you don't have a good drummer.

Never play stuff that anybody else knows. It's boring and someone will be able to play it better than you.

Take any substances that are offered to you. If you take enough substances, you will channel the spirits of dead mucicians. Don't tell anyone this is happening, they are thinking the same thing, only different musicians, and they're glad they're dead.

Bring your own amplifier, it may be worse than theirs, but the volume is yours and yours only to control.

If all else fails, G=get drunk.

Monday, September 25, 2006

He's started to mutter to himself!

He knows he's going, we knows he's going. Best of all, he wants to go. Look at the way he soldiers on bravely, while all of those other nasty politicians fight each other and annoy the public.

In Manchester we were shouting 'Smooth transition please, and stop the infighting because it really is most tiresome!', not 'Troops out, Blair out!'

At the party conference yesterday, a few lickspittles got up and made speeches about his legacy, and the best thing is that when they finished he genuinly looked confused. If you see it on the news look carefully, it's as if he's thinking 'What? But I was only in it for the money.'

The best thing is, he's started to mutter to himself. I saw him on news 24 last night walking past a gaggle of photographers and he could just audibly be heard saying 'Ah, yesk well shivers me timbers, cuh cuh cuh.'

It must be hard trying to hold on to power by the fingernails, whilst shoving a load of blue skies thinking onto a population that would shoot, but are too polite.

I think it's going to be very messy indeed. Brown has left it too late, the best he can hope for is being caretaker for a bit. Blair isn't going to leave with any dignity whatsoever. He is going to crack up in front of our eyes. He's been in denial for too long. He still thinks he can turn it around and garner adoration as he leaves. The Blairites are humouring him, not supporting him.

Wise words about the unions from comrade 'Black Dog'

Ex-minister Peter Mandelson has warned union bosses not to think they can use the Labour leadership contest to win back their old power in the party.

Mr Mandelson, a close Blair ally, said the trade unions were the "ballast" of the Labour Party and their contribution should be welcomed.

Now, what does one do with ballast on a ship in a storm?

The unions will take the opportunity, if they have any nouse, to flex their muscles. The movement will continue to spring up and bite chunks out of his ass in variouse guises. And Blair will start to mutter more and more.

I don't want to see him crying like Thatcher. I want to see him led out of Downing Street by nice men in white coates, muttering to himself and fighting off imaginary bats.

One last thing, go and see 'Children of men' it's the best film I've seen in yonks.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

My Lass.

Is snoring.

I love her.

She's great.

I'm her bloke.

Northern Comrades.

On demonstrations, the Northern comrades are absolutely amazing. Getting coaches together for a demo is an absolute nightmare, even if you're only doing it from the other end of a phone like me.

Once you're on the coach, if you've got someone who can really engage with people, like we did on ours, (He's a catholic lay preacher socialist who knows exactly how to put people at their ease and engage them.) the journey up there is fun. It also helps to have a friend with tablets to ease the travel along. But then when you get there you're turning up all-fresh into a whirlwind. And you want to sell papers to people as if you're stood in Ealing, Southall or Hounslow. But it works differently everywhere you go. So you go to it, and after a while you get the hang of it and you're really cooking with gas then.

This is when you start to see the beauty of comrades in action.

Different people do different things extremely well, some can do all, some seem to do nothing, when in fact they're holding many different parts of this movement together and some do nothing, while doing many things. I suppose this is where the Northern Comrades have learned to adjust so well to changing situations. It seems to me that impressive figures are reached in many London districts, and deservedly so because the comrades work very hard to achieve them, but when it comes to building, the northern comrades really know how it is done
in the build up and aftermath of a demo. They know, because they have to book coaches all the bloody time and convince people to fork out money to go on them.

A lot of people go on demostrations and think to themselves 'I have attended, therefore I have done my bit.'. They are right. For a demonstration to achieve something, then people who wouldn't usually ever turn up to such a thing, but are carried away by the moment, are the most important people on that demonstration. They are the majority when the political scene is shifting, and they represent that shift. They are sky and earth to socialists.

When you run up to them and ask if they want to sign a petition, and perhaps do this and that extra and buy a paper and join a revolutionary organisation, if they at least smile at you, then they are fantastic, they are moved, and they are the movement.

If they actually join in these circumstances, they are thinking good stuff, that you are probably thinking as well. Click the 'don't be shy, give it a try' link for more on this.

If they go home, watch it on the television, then in ten years time vote a certain way because it seems like the right thing to do, then they are thinking good stuff, that you are probably thinking as well.

If they tell you to 'piss off', then they feel threatened, and on an anti war demo be gentle, they're delusional.

The best thing that you can do after going on an anti war demonstration, is make sure that more people go on it next time. As the war gets bigger, which it will, the demos have to get bigger, which they will. We're winning the race, but it doesn't yet look like it because the pacemakers haven't yet emerged.

You get that feeling more on a coach.

Friday, September 22, 2006


Try this. Next time you're on a demonstration, leave it and walk through a shopping centre. People look strange. Instead of engaging in a mass experience, they are shopping. Quite natural really. (Bollocks! I've just dropped my cigarette in my tea.) It's more or less the same if you leave a football match and go into a shopping centre, but not quite. (Cue Top-Gear esq music.)

They want us to stay indoors, but they don't know it themselves. That's just the way the market is going.

Shopping requires you to cut yourself off from human interraction. You don't want to get ripped off, you don't want to get mixed up and buy oranges instead of tampons, you don't want to miss the simpsons.

Demonstrations are different, you're going to miss the simpsons, you can't get ripped off because you've given all your money away, and someone will offer you an orange at some point. (Or perhaps even a tampon.)

Anyway, I'm going to order a pizza and stare at humans out of my window.

Monday, September 18, 2006

The pope.

The pope is a man who sits in a room in Rome. Sometimes he gets a little excited, so they let him out for a walk.

When he goes for a walk he says things like 'Peace be with you.' and shakes peoples hands. He is very carefull not to get confused and say things like 'Peace be upon you.' because that would make him a 'Spreader of evil.'

Evil comes in jars labelled 'Prof M's (PBUH) Evil Elixer.' and can be spread on anything from slices of Ryvita to 'Radicalised Asian Youths.'

Radicalised Asian Youths are very easy to create and spot. The best way to radicalise an Asian Youth is to stop and search them, beat them up, or kill lots of other Asian Youths in places like Lebanon, Iraq, Afganistan and Palestine. Spotting them involves making a judgement about their skin colour and age.

Once you have spotted a Radicalised Asian Youth, there is no point converting them to Catholocism, because this won't change their skin colour. It's far better to jump out on them and shout something like 'Oi! Sunshine! You're knicked!' or 'Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!'

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Gordon Brown wanking into a cup of tea.

As above.

Friday, September 08, 2006

my favourite song

And helpfully, someone has put some pictures to it:

Thursday, September 07, 2006




plop plop plop


Wor Toony

Wor Toany (Na man, ye smurk tha tabs an strurk tha wippet.) is gannin doon St John's Wood the dee.

Ah rekon E'll get a waam welcome from aal the pyeple E's been messin aboot aal these yeahs.

Am gannin doon the tube te give him a reet tellin. E's bin warkin is ticket fa tee lang. Ah mean, what a divvy! Tekkin us aal te waar, like.

Sweet-as though. Aal them politishins sharpnin tha kneeves. Reet bunch 'o' wobbly spineless nowts. Anly trouble is, like, ah havant got any eggs.

A'll tell yez aal aboot it when ah get back. Toot sweet.

Eee mind! Ah divvent kna what ah'll say if thez any camras aboot. Problees sumink like 'Aye man, that Toany, what a dafty. Haway man Toany, get. a . grip. An ye betta not think aboot comin roond heya sayin thez sumink wrang wi a coople 'o' bloaks wakkin aroond in Bras.'

E'll probleez end up bealin is little eyes oot. Reet! See yez aal leayta.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

The Boss.

This is John Lee Hooker, master of groove driven blues. If he were left without a guitar for more than 48 hours his rythms would shake him apart. His Gibson isn't an instrument, it is a sacrificial diode to the internal turmolt that drives his music.

Often, when staying with friends, I will find myself stoned and in need of blues. I'll search in a crazed stupor through their cd collections and real player files. With albums strewn across the floor, I'll be muttering things like 'You fucking bastard.... fucking Koolashaker? Is this the closest you've got?' Then, like magic there it will be. The John Lee Hooker album they were given by an impoverished relative for a birthday. Fished out of the Woolworths bargain basket, wrapped up, and forgotten about.

These albums always have 'Boom Boom' as the first track, they always have 'Crawlin Kingsnake' and they always have 'Wednesday mornin' blues'.

Always enough for me.

Trouble is I'll put it on, then reach for the nearest guitar or guitar-like instrument and screw my head right up trying to copy the rythms. I'll listen to it for a bit and think to myself 'This really is rather easy' copy a riff or two, listen again, and think 'fuck.'

Meanwhile, fings ain't gettin any easier cause I'm gettin stoned.

Monday, September 04, 2006

A little leaf.

A little leaf.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Children in revolt.

This site:

Has some cartoons done by children. I reaally hope they were reaally done by children. They're great. I particularly like the ones on Peterloo.

1 2 3 4 heaaaaart beat do do do do dooo dodo.

"This Crystal Palace is, in a way, like a pretty girl who is mean. Looks and personality are two totally different things. The Crystal Palace is a pretty face on hard, cruel labor.("Karl Marx")"

Click on the 'comments' bit. I wish I'd gone to this school when I was younger.